Thursday, February 2, 2012

a gazillion and one blessings

Last night I laid in bed and pondered on all of my blessings.  There are many.  For one, I'm incredibly happy to be here.  That's stating the obvious, I guess, but it's so true.  I get going along, doing all the "normal" things and sometimes I forget how close I came to leaving.  But then I have a day like yesterday when I have time to think through the events of that night in September when everything changed.  It's good for me, at least every so often.  It helps me remember.

This is a time to be happy.

When I relive what might have been, it helps me get everything into focus.  There is a lot going on in all of our lives, but only a small portion of it really matters.  The hugs, a listening ear, and the words I say.  That matters.  The condition of my heart as I interact with the people around me.  My prayers.  My smile.  My attitude.  Those are the big things.

I'm walking.  I'm talking.  I'm laughing with my children.  I can rock-a-bye my babies, drinking them in- their smells, voices, and sweet little lips.  I can notice the softness of little feet.  I can remember funny things they say, and listen with all of me.  I can say thank you.  I can express love.  I can feel more gratitude.  I can hold my children's hands.  I can attend parent-teacher conferences and applause the good things my girls are doing.  I can tuck them in at night with an extra tight squeeze and whisper that I am proud of them, that they can do hard things. I can remind them that they are the best parts of me.

I can remember that this day, this moment is part of a plan.  A plan that is bigger and better than I.  Full of promise that I don't yet realize.

In those tricky moments when my body reminds me that I'm not what I used to be, I can remember the lessons I'm learning.  The people who help me (and oh! there are so many).  I'll try to understand what I might do to be stronger- physically, but spiritually and emotionally most of all.  I'll know that I'm thankful to have this opportunity to slow down and learn.  This time is good.  It is full of blessings.  A time of my life that I will remember always.  In the story of my life, this chapter is sacred.  It is what I make of it.

This is a time to be happy.

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